RIGHT & WRONG

As I begin this post, it is 4am Indiana time. I've laid in bed long enough-tossing and turning-wide awake after yesterdays events pertaining to Kenidi. I've fought the need to blog right now because I realize my emotions are raw at this moment and because of that-I'm fired up. However, after laying there trying to talk myself out of this therapeutic writing during such wee hours of the night, I finally quit fighting it and decided to sit down in the den and try to give you a small glimpse of what Brent and I are feeling right now as well as explain why we feel the way we do. I warn you up front - this will not be a quick version. For that, I am sorry. I encourage you to read all of the story once you begin reading this. The kicker to the story comes in later. In order to get all of the details and see what we are up against, you must follow along all the way to the bottom of this journey. I will preface this by saying that my ability to remain "Christ-like" has been tested in the past few days. I am doing my best to handle myself in a professional and adult fashion. However, I'll be the first to admit that I am not one to hold back during trying times. As many of you know from the past, I resort to writing as a therapeutic way of healing or as a way to help me get thru the moment. In some instances, this has been bad. In other instances, it has worked out for the good. I have no idea where these words will leave me this time but I'm willing to risk it. Over the past two years since Kenidi has attended a developmental preschool (which is away from Brennen's school but within the same district), I've longed for the day when her and Brennen would finally be in the same elementary school together. I knew that wouldn't be possible until she reached kindergarten though. Not only would it help me be able to devote more time to helping in her class beings that I'm there helping out in Brennen's so much but once kindergarten did roll around, she'd be moved to her "home" school (the school for our area) and she'd finally be with her brother and all of the neighbor kids that she knows and loves. She would be with familiar faces - with people that understand her and her condition. She'd be in her "home" school. What does the word "home" mean to you? For me it means security, safety, comfort, love, compassion, understanding, etc. The community your children and my children live and attend school in isn't just a word - "community." The Webster's online dictionary states that the word "community" means this: The district where people live-a group of people living in a particular local area-common ownership-a group having common interests-agreement as to goals-a group of interdependent organisms inhabiting the same region and interacting with each other-belonging to and maintained by and for the local community.

Now, as a special needs parent...you find some sort of comfort or solice in knowing that your child who can't speak or function for themselves, will one day go to school with her older brother-who can then become an extra pair of eyes and ears for us-the parents. Although we know Brennen can't physically be there 24/7 to oversee Kenidi and all of her daily activities at school, he'd at least just "be there." He might be there to protect her when someone got out of line or out of hand with the teasing. He might be able to ensure she got off the bus and to her class without issue. He'd be able to be in the halls of the same place she was-day in and day out. This same theory goes for the neighbor children that know Kenidi and her condition. There were several kids in our area that would have quite possibly ended up in Kenidi's general education kindergarten classroom. These were kids that knew-for the most part-that Kenidi was "special" and their parents even trained them and spoke of the fact that they'd need to look out for Kenidi next year and take care of her. As a special needs parent, this kind of support and compassion for your child is HUGE! We live in a world where unfortunately....kids are cruel now days. Brent and I have feared the day or days when we'd have to battle a child and/or their parents when it came to harsh words said or insinuated about Kenidi and her medical issue's. So far, this has never been an issue. We feel blessed in the fact that most kids up to this point have really treated Kenidi like she is some kind of local celebrity or something. Even kids in 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th grade adore her. Why? Because they know her. They know her personality, her needs, her smile, and they love her for all of it. As I walk through Brennen's school with her in tow, I've got teachers and therapists that somehow already know her even though she wasn't set to attend school there until this fall. She is comfortable there. We are comfortable there. Last Monday, Brent and I attended a two hour long case conference (IEP) meeting for Kenidi at Brennen's school which was also set to be Kenidi's school this fall. In attendance were approximately 8 other people that were part of the school staff, administration, school psychologist, etc. They spent that two hours convincing us of all the reasons why they felt Kenidi was ready for kindergarten-even though her disabilities would require her to attend a "special education or essential skills" classroom during part of her day. They introduced us to who would be Kenidi's kindergarten teacher next year and we immediately fell in love with this woman. They had us sit in on some of her class that afternoon so that we could watch how everything worked in a typical day. Before that, we peeked in on the essential skills classroom down the hall where Kenidi would be placed during part of her day. It is a special education classroom that houses children similar to her. Brent and I left the meeting on Monday feeling really good about our decision to move her on to kindergarten rather than hold her back another year in the developmental preschool. The staff and people present at that meeting played a huge role in helping us to get to that point.
Fast forward three days after that meeting. On Thursday of last week I received a letter in the mail from the assistant director of the special services program for our area. Unfortunately, I didn't open the letter until the next morning. On Friday. In the letter it stated that the essential skills program for Brennen and Kenidi's (soon to be school) was being moved to another school in the area and that Kenidi would now be attending that elementary school rather than her own "home school." Needless to say, I was furious. I immediately got on the phone and called Brent. By this time, I was balling. I felt emotions come out of me that I haven't felt in years. For a moment there, I didn't even recognize myself. A thousand things were rushing through my head.... Back to two different schools. Back to juggling two different room Mom jobs in two totally different schools. Back to having two different PTO's, two different principals, two different schedules for the kids. They want parent involvement in schools now days and preach how a child's educational success is based on parent involvement in the schools. Yet, they want to spread parents like me between two totally different schools and make us run back and forth like chickens with our heads cut off if we want to be a willing and involved parent to the both of our kids. Two totally different lives in two totally different schools most importantly meant that we were back to having Brennen separated from Kenidi. Only this time, it was a separation that was forever. They are wanting Kenidi to attend this other school - always - through all of her elementary school career or until the program is moved elsewhere in the future. This isn't just for kindergarten. Again, it was forever - or at least for the next 6 years of our lives anyhow. I was devastated. Brent was beyond angry.
Go back to the meeting three days earlier. We were stroked and handled with care. Told that everything would be great "here" for Kenidi. Told that the kids would "love" her there and that she would do great "there." Well "there" is now a whole new place. Basically for Kenidi, it will be like moving to a whole new city or state. She'll know no one. Neither will we. On the weekends she knows her friends in our area. On Mondays, after playing all weekend and all summer long with those faces she knows, she'll be confirmed once again that she is "different" when they ship her off to the bus stop to attend a school that she is unfamiliar with.

Now...here is where the story changes even more. This is the kicker. As if this information we learned on Friday wasn't already a blow to the gut, then we have to go and find this out: I called the assistant director immediately once I read this letter. She confirmed the details I had just read but also made mention of the fact that the school needed to - now follow me here - these were her E-X-A-C-T words....

the school needed to "make space" for the "high abilities class" that was being introduced into the curriculum. What does this mean you ask? I'm sure you are thinking the same thing I was at that moment. In a nutshell, this means that because they didn't already have room for a "high abilities (a.k.a excelled honor kids classroom), that something needed to go. What has to go....Kenidi's essential skills class. Yes, you read that right. They are basically kicking out the slow kids class in order to make room for the excelled kids class. WOW! I could not believe that this woman just told me that. I'm thinking to myself....back up-back up. Repeat that again. And she did. Needless to say, when I heard her say that, my calm cool collected manner went way beyond rational. Irrational and down right irate is how I ended up to be frank. I went to the opposite end of the spectrum. I ended the call with telling her that this would make a great news headline when I needed to call the local media for help. Slow kids class removed to "make space" for the smart kids. That is a catchy headline, wouldn't you agree? I told her that I wanted a meeting with the superintendent of schools in our area and that I wanted it "now." I let her know that if I didn't get it ASAP that things were going to get very ugly real quick. This was Friday morning. On Saturday morning she called to tell me that she had a meeting set up with the superintendent for us at 4:15pm on Monday.

In the meantime, I called Brennen's principal at his school, I called Kenidi's teacher that she currently has in the developmental preschool and whom also sat in on that two hour long case conference meeting last Monday. I called and got school board names and phone #'s, etc. Brent and I immediately went into "fight mode." The other kicker to the story is that while on the phone with that assistant director, she also informed me that as we sat around that table last week for the case conference meeting, everyone in attendance there was aware of the change. So...that means that we all sat there and waisted our time for nothing. They coaxed us into thinking all was well and that Kenidi would do great attending school there-only to learn three days later that they knew all along was what getting ready to happen. I will say that Kenidi's current teacher pulled us aside at the meeting yesterday before it began and told us that she was not aware of the decision that had been made at that time. The director said they all knew about it. I don't care if even one of them knew about it...they should have told us. They should have been forthright in mentioning that there was a good possibility that things were getting ready to change and Kenidi "might not" attend her home school and that she could potentially get sent to another school within the district. They should have been honest and up front. They weren't!

Now...let me back up and reiterate the fact that I do not hold anything against the "high abilities kids" or their parents for wanting this class added to the curriculum. If I had an advanced student, I might want those classes for him or her too. I realize that they are doing and fighting for what they think is best for their child. I commend these kids and the amazing abilities they have. I only wish I had some of their intelligence. This is not the problem of the "high abilities" kids or their families. This is the problem of our school system. They need to find room for all of us. No one program needs to be singled out-shuffled around-moved-etc. in order to bring in another. One doesn't take precedent or priority over another. Well it shouldn't anyhow. In this case though, I can't seem to get anyone to explain to me why I shouldn't walk away feeling that the high abilities classroom pushed my daughters special education classroom out of the school.

We showed up to the meeting yesterday only to be told that the Superintendent "unfortunately" couldn't make it now and that the "assistant-superintendent" was there to fill in for him. When I expressed my disappointment in the fact that no one called me ahead of time to tell me this or to at least just reschedule the meeting to a day and time when the "super" could be there, they assured both Brent and I that we had the "decision makers" in the room with us. We gave our concerns and opinions only to be given 100 different excuses on why we should be OK with the school systems decision. They tried to avoid the "deleted the slow class to make space for the excelled class" issue like the plague. They told us we were over simplifying the issue at hand and that it could have easily been an English class replacing the special ed class instead of a high abilities class replacing special ed. Brent reminded them that this isn't the case - English kicking out special ed - but that instead we were there because it is the high abilities class ultimately kicking out special ed. We reiterated to them that we weren't asking for anything that we didn't deserve. It wasn't like we were in there asking for them to move the moon or change school lunches. We didn't want free services, we didn't want extra care or privileges for Kenidi. We just want what was existing all these years up until last week and we want want our property taxes pay for. They pay for Kenidi and Brennen to attend the school in our area - not a totally different school in the same district. We told them how hard it would be on some of those special needs kids that had already been at Brennen's school in the special ed classroom for several years leading up to this. Some of those kids are autistic or have disabilities that do not adapt well to change. Those kids know the environment and are comfortable there. However, with the swoop of a signature, they have forever altered and changed the future of these kids lives as well as their parents lives. To someone that hasn't been around a special needs child or doesn't have one of their own, this might not make much sense. But...you ask a parent battling a daily routine with a special needs child what happens when they alter that normal routine or that environment and they'll be the first to tell you that the outcome is not pretty.

These kids go through enough. Let's face it. Special needs children didn't pick their life. They didn't come into this world asking to be that way. They are singled out and "made different" enough in life. As parents, we are constantly battling insurance companies, schools, etc. to prove that they deserve care. Bottom line, these kids should be the last kids to go, the last kids to be moved, the last kids to be shuffled around from school to school, etc. As an angry Mom with an opinion, I feel that if any child could handle changes and new environments, it would be the excelled kids. The honor students. You know...the students that have parents who WANT to single them out and MAKE them different on purpose because they are so smart. Surely these parents would agree that their child could adapt better to a different school or environment more so than our special needs children. Wouldn't you think? In the end though, it all goes back to the school system. Brent and I feel that the school should come up with a way to provide both. Again, no one class should be singled out. It all comes down to money, politics, and priority though. It's called life and unfortunately my daughter is now a casualty of "life" at its finest.

We left the meeting yesterday even more mad than we were when we went in. The end result was not a successful one. The choice to appoint the assistant superintendent to stand in for that meeting was not a good one. How this man even holds that title, I have no idea. Talk about having zero people skills. He was there for a power trip and that was about the jest of it. As I studied his demeanor and his personality, it was very apparent that he was just meeting with us to "pacify" us and that he had no intentions of truly listening to our concerns or considering the possibility of further discussions down the road. When Brent challenged him being the "decision maker," he immediately shut down and the rest was history. He told us that the answer was NO and that they were not changing any of the decisions that they had made. We let him know that his decisions had made our decisions. At that moment, Brent and I stood up and walked out.

I left there - made a few phone calls from the truck - as well as when we got back home - and prayed some more. I have no idea what the outcome will be from the phone calls I made but in a nutshell, we are calling in the troops. We are lining up the army of people that we feel will best convey our story, our concerns, and our mission. As I told the assistant superintendent when I stood up to leave, "its fixing to get really noisy around here."

I've laid in bed praying all night long. I've prayed for peace, for wisdom, for discernment, maturity, etc. concerning this situation. The "Angie" in me wants to get MAD! The "Angie" in me wants to throw myself down on the ground and throw an utter and all out complete fit. The Brent in Brent wants to send cannon bombs from our house over to their office. The "parents" in us want to cry - and we have.

We fight and fight to make Kenidi feel "normal." We fight to make her feel at home. We fight to prove she can stand with the best of them. We fight to find her the best care we can possibly provide. We fight to keep on fighting! It hurts to the core when your hands are tied and someone else is making the decisions for your child - for you. We want what is in the best interest of our daughter. Their decision is not in her best interest. We are prepared to go to great lengths to show that. As we assemble the troops and line up our defense in the coming days and weeks, I ask that you keep praying for us and for Kenidi as well as for those other parents involved. As I said yesterday, Kenidi is not the only child being affected by this decision. If you should feel lead to want to help us in the crusade, to be a voice in this matter, please email me. We can send you the email addresses of the director and the superintendents office so that you can email them with your opinions on behalf of us. You do not need to be an Indiana resident. In fact, the more voices we have from all over, the better. If you know someone that is affected by special needs or disabilities, forward this blog post on to them. Give them my email address (Angie@AngelicaGraceDesigns.com) and tell them to contact me for ways that they can help voice their opinions too. The more we can spread the word and get this issue out there, the better off all of us and our children will be in the future. As I told Brent last night, if we lay down and give in to this decision, what will we be forced to lay down for next? He and I aren't willing to stand by and allow these administrators to make such unrealistic decisions that make no common sense whatsoever. The only sense they make to the school system is this kind of CENTS $$$$$$$$$$$$.

Stay tuned for updates. In the meantime, thank you to all of you who commented or emailed me directly yesterday. At one point on the way home, I was reading my emails out loud to Brent in the car from my cell phone. I burst into tears during reading one of those emails because I just couldn't get over the overwhelming response we got from that short little post I made yesterday. You guys came pouring out of the wood work and I thank you for that. We thank you! There are no words to describe the amount of gratitude and appreciation we have for you guys right now. We truly thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

In his grip, always....Brent, Angie, Brennen, & Kenidi